Newspaper industry woes deconstructed

August 5, 2008 · Filed Under Humor 

Reading the newspaper: Brookgreen Gardens in P...Image via WikipediaHey, all. It’s time for me to provide you with your one-stop shop for newspaper industry hand-wringing. No longer will you have to read countless bloggers, columnists and corporate journalism types weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth over the state of the industry. Just print this post out and bang, you’re set for the forseeable future! (and, btw, realize that this is snark. If you don’t realize what snark is, then please stop reading now)

The Internet is the (best/worst) thing to ever happen to newspapers. It is (killing/rejuvenating) the newspaper industry in ways we (always/never) imagined. Top editors and newspaper execs (are/are not) getting involved in (innovating/suffocating) our practices on this (new/old) way of doing things.

Our newspaper reporters are (gladly/grudgingly) seizing hold of new tools to (tell stories/waste time) and (attract/drive away) readers.

All of this is (because of/in spite of) the fact that newspaper readers (are leaving in droves/are dying off/are hanging around). Sure, the newspaper industry (looks bleak/looks to have a bright future), but the real work remains to be done by (mid-career journalists/new graduates) who (haven’t been laid off/haven’t found a job yet). Just remember to (keep a positive attitude/keep sending out resumes).

Some people say that “news is a conversation.” That’s why our newspaper web site (does/does not) allow comments. We feel that (comments are a great way to foster feedback/a way to allow trolls to feed at our trough). Honestly, comments are (a democratizing force/a chaotic pain in the neck).

And we should talk about bloggers. Bloggers (can do journalism/are pajama-clad wannabes) who (aid/frustrate) our efforts to provide quality journalism. We should (welcome/abhor) the efforts of these (citizen journalists/partisan hacks) who are (cutting into our credibility/adding to the democratic debate).

Many people ask: How can newspaper journalism be saved. Simple, really. Newspapers should (close their web sites/open their archives) and (allow/disallow) the news to flow freely. After all, journalists (are/are not) central to the democratic ideal.

What about the business model? We are (working on it/praying we reach retirement soon). While our profit margins are (high compared to other industries/in the tank compared to past performance), we feel we are (turning the corner/peering over the cliff) thanks to (craigslist/ google news/ blogs/ Internet distractions).

We are, of course, experimenting with (video/blogs/comments/social networks/maps/flash/anything that will make a buck). We’ve purchased (many/a handful/okay, one) video camera(s) to give to our (reporters/photographers/a web guru) so that we can (showcase/bury) our efforts to do multimedia. We are committed to using (all/some/none) of our resources to help our staffers. The time they spend (capturing/outputting/producing/posting) multimedia, web-based content will (come out of their current hours/count as unpaid overtime/be another unrealized expense), all in the name of (quality/quantity/something we can sell to shareholders).

Just know that we are always looking for more (multimedia-savvy/people who can spell HTML) journalists to add to our crew.

Of course, our newspaper company has had to undergo (minor/major) (layoffs/buyouts) in order to realign ourselves for the future. Rest assured that this is a (temporary/long-term) (problem/solution) for our (malaise/vision). We are also (reorganizing/shaking up/randomly placing) our journalists in new (teams/groups/categories) to facilitate our web-first (strategy/desperate attempt to stay relevant).

Whatever happens, know that we (are/are not) going to be around for (a long time to come/a few more years) to keep providing you with the (quality journalism/biased reporting) you’ve (come to expect/heard about on right-wing radio/ceased to care about).

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Comments

9 Responses to “Newspaper industry woes deconstructed”

  1. Angela Grant on August 5th, 2008 12:40 pm

    Haha!!

  2. Notes from a Teacher: Mark on Media » Tuesday squibs on August 5th, 2008 5:30 pm

    [...] Newspaper industry woes deconstructed. This piece by Bryan Murley is just plain fun (and maybe a little painful for some). [...]

  3. The end/future of newspapers… maybe « Carol Zuegner on August 6th, 2008 2:51 am

    [...] Newspaper industry woes deconstructed Posted in journalism. [...]

  4. Meranda Writes » Blog Archive » The truth about newspaper industry woes: It’s all relative on August 6th, 2008 4:44 am

    [...] Bryan Murley has posted the best post about online journalism I’ve seen in awhile. At least it made me smile. It’s, in his words, full of snark. But it’s worth pondering. Check it out: Newspaper industry woes deconstructed. [...]

  5. Paul Chenoweth on August 6th, 2008 11:16 am

    This is likely/unlikely the most precise/ambiguous summary I have ever read.

  6. John Di Carlo on August 6th, 2008 1:36 pm

    Hilarious. Great stuff, Bryan!

  7. Harvie Nachlinger on August 6th, 2008 8:19 pm

    Nice job, Bryan. I’ll give it to the PR folks to teach in their classes.

  8. Michele Weldon on August 7th, 2008 11:58 am

    Funny. And interactive too. A customized, do-it-yourself crystal ball. I love/like/hate/dislike it. Ha.

  9. Liz on August 10th, 2008 7:24 pm

    Very interactive. Just what a Web story should be.

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